Appreciation

I feel so blessed constantly, to have the most wonderfully supportive friends and great family. Even when I am going through shit and feel like shit I know that someone always has my back.
It helps a lot and sometimes I forget to tell people this but they truly make a difference in my life. Without the support structure I have I don't think I could've made it this far. I know I worked hard to get to where I am but without he encouragement from my friends and family I may not have tried as hard or challenged myself as much.
Right now I am working to resolve the way I internalise my negative emotions. I feel so conflict avoidant and my dad has feb called me a 'coward'. Maybe I am? But I am only human. And if I had the choice over being a coward or a lion I guess I would choose the former. I think this is part of my self sacrificing and subjugation schemas, I would rather let the other person feel better and remain ignorant than truly express and voice my disagreement. This sucks in so many respects because I am left feeling a rage inside of me and resentment builds up inside...
What I've been doing is have a good bitch to my close friends about my issues... Rather than resolving them I've let them carry on. I know I need to make a change. I know I need to address my avoidance and resistance. And that's the hard part... Knowing so.